A Close Shave

Shaving is a pain: not literally, usually, but metaphorically. Some day, when I've got a bit of time on my hands, I'll work out the number of hours of my life I've spent doing it so I can drop the figure into the conversation when there is a lull at a very dull dinner party. Still, if a job's worth doing it's worth doing well, as the saying goes.

The market for Razor Blades for wet shaving in the UK is dominated by Gillette. Wilkinson Sword and Biro Bic Razors have a much smaller market share. Over the years the male adult population has watched with some bemusement as the number of blades apparently required to perform the task has risen from 1 to 2 to 3, and even to 4! The corresponding rise in the price of these hi tech little items has meant that special security precautions directed towards them have been necessary in supermarkets! Some nerd has even extrapolated forward to conclude that we'll expect a 14-bladed razor in 2100!

Recently Gillette seems to have decided that the delicate art of shaving only needs 3 blades but the movement of these can't be entrusted to the the average hand alone. An electric motor is also required to achieve "the best a man can get".

If shaving really is as complicated as this I think I'll grow a beard!

A phone is a phone is a phone

I've never been able to get excited about mobile phones. I concede they are quite handy things for making telephone calls on, although even performing this function I often feel my phone makes me too available. The other things that modern phones can do leave me totally unimpressed. I hate text messaging and as for taking pictures with a phone----that's what cameras are for! Obviously, certain enterprising individuals have made millions from providing ringtones for people to download: what is that all about? Even thought the current technological marvels now play a reasonably musical version, why would I want my calls to be signaled by the latest "pop classic"?

The young folk are, of course different. For them it is essential that their every thought is packaged in a text message and distributed to their friends immediately. They have to have the latest phone, which is, of course, music to the ears of the likes of The Carphone Warehouse. Gsog, for example, has had numerous phones. His current one seems perfectly serviceable to me, but only the other day he was muttering about getting yet another one. Gdog has had 3 different phones in the year that she has stayed in our flat in Glasgow.

Anyway, I think I've finally found the ultimate phone for them. Only one small problem: they'll have to get an awful lot of overtime at Tesco to pay for it. The price tag is, after all, $1 million!

I don't want to go to Chelsea....

We all have our interests, and one of my minor obsessions is garden gnomes. Some time ago I started a group in Flickr called "Home for Gnomes"”. Like many desert plants, Home for Gnomes seems to thrive on neglect, and with very little attention from me it has grown to over 90 members, a testimony I would argue to the global appeal of these little creatures.

With this in mind, you can imagine how horrified I was this morning listening to the "“Today"” programme on BBC Radio 4. This had a piece on the Royal Horticultural Society'’s Chelsea Flower Show making the point that one of the things banned from gardens at Chelsea is my beloved garden gnomes! One of their "roving reporters" was featured "smuggling"” a gnome into the show and seeing what the reaction to him was. There was a great feeling of tension during the piece as listeners no doubt feared that RHS "heavies" would burst onto the scene and eject our heroic reporter and friend. There followed an interview featuring the Garden Master of New College Oxford who represented the RHS and its role in "“policing the line"” over which nasty, kitsch creatures like gnomes would not be allowed to cross. The highlight of the interview was the point at which he was asked if fairies were banned too. He spontaneously uttered that "If you banned fairies you'’d have to ban half the garden designers!"”

Anyway, I like gnomes----so there!

I'm not dead yet....

Sorry things have been a bit quiet round here recently. I am going to try getting back into the habit of posting regularly, but I really don't know how "super bloggers" like Gordon McLean keep it up!

On the subject of Gordon McLean, I noticed in his "Overflow" section this amazingly funny "Father Ted Obsenity Report". I'm not sure exactly how it was produced.

Under the headline "Understatement of the week" The Sunday Times today had the following story: "A heavy metal fan has survived being hit from behind by a train. Jesse Maggrach, 20, was walking along tracks in Alberta, Canada, listening to music through ear phones. Describing the impact, he recalled: 'Holy crap, dude, you just got hit by a train.'" Personally, I think "Stating the obvious" would have been a more apt headline.

A Week in New York City 8

On our last full day in NYC we visted Lower Manhattan. Our first port of call was the Brooklyn Bridge. This is an amazing structure, although it looks a bit rusty and in need of a fresh coat of paint. The weather was great again, and the bridge provided a fabulous viewpoint. Unfortunately, we didn't have time to walk all the way across.

Close to the bridge is the Ground Zero site where the World Trade Center used to be. Saint Paul's Chapel, near the site, had this poster which captured the mood for me. Ground Zero is actually quite difficult to photograph as the area is almost completely fenced off. I managed to find one decent vantage point. It's almost as if The Powers That Be don't want people to be reminded of what happpened. There are grand plans to build the Freedom Tower on the site, but I believe the project is mired in controversy.

After lunch we decided to walk back from Battery Park along the side of the Hudson River. This area used to be the point where a busy throughput of ships tied up and disgorged their contents. Many of the piers have now been taken down and all that remains is a collection of stumps. Other piers have been converted into various things including pleasant areas to walk, and even a golf centre with a huge driving range. The project is called Hudson River Park and it will be a wonderful facility when it's completed.

A Week in New York City 7

The first thing we did on our 5th day in New York (Sunday) was to go back to B&H Photo Video and Pro Audio to try and buy my lens. We arrived to find that the shop didn't open until 10 am, and we were a little early so we sat in a deli across the road and had a cup of unpleasantly sweet coffee. Just before 10 am a bus load, literally, of traditionally dressed orthodox Jewish men arrived and poured into the shop----we thought we had walked into a Woody Allen film! The Saturday closing phenomenon was, thus, explained. B&H is said to be the biggest shop of its kind (in the world, I think). It doesn't exactly have an overfriendly atmosphere, but it's run very efficiently: and it had my lens for the price in dollars I'd have had to pay in pounds at home.

The weather on the Sunday was glorious and we spent most of the rest of the day in Central Park. We passed the Dakota Building with an impressive flunky standing outside on the way to Strawberry Fields. The cherry trees were in bloom, and the park looked spectacular. The variety of activities of people there was quite impressive: running, cycling, skating, rollerskate dancing, hockey, lacrosse etc. etc. It really made Wosog and I feel quite guilty that we were just walking and taking pictures (well not really!).

In the evening, after another excellent meal, we went back up the Empire State Building to take some night pictures including the one I've shown here.

A Week In New York City 6

Our 4th day in NYC was a bit of a disaster. The weather was cold and wet. I had decided to go to a shop called B&H Photo Video and Pro Audio on 33rd Street try and buy a 50mm f1.8 lens, as I had heard that I could get it cheaper in the US than here. My rationale for going on a Saturday was that it would definitely be open on that day whereas it might be shut on the Sunday. Wosog was feeling a bit tired at that stage in the holiday. We walked from the hotel to the shop in the miserable rain to find that the shop was closed all day on a Saturday. "Funny!" we thought----well that wasn't exactly what we thought. We didn't find out the explanation till the following day.

We went from there to the International Center of Photography, which was quite interesting, but much smaller than we had expected. We then went back to the hotel and spent the afternoon "power napping".

A Week In New York City 5

Day 3 in the Big Brother House...I mean our third day in NYC involved a cruise down the Hudson past Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty, capturing them for posterity as we went. We then continued under the Brooklyn and Manhattan bridges part of the way up the East River. Eventually we looped round and came back to where we started. It was not the nicest of days, but apart from the obvious sites it gave us the chance to see where Nicole Kidman has a $4 million apartment.

In the afternoon we visited the Guggenheim Museum. Wosog and I have a bit of an aversion to a lot of "modern art", but we got a ticket to this museum as part of our CityPass, and we did want to see the iconic building designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. In fact, the icon is shrouded in boards just now so that the building can be renovated---which was a bit of a bummer! In contrast to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, the Guggenheim only allows you to take pictures in the "entrance hall". We have decided that this is to avoid anyone with half a brain and elementary welding skills copying the brilliant works of art. We found the staff of the Guggenheim unfriendly, and our fellow visitors seemed to take the exhibits, and their pretentious descriptions, so seriously that we had to leave before we had a fit of the giggles. We decided not to use our "free" ticket to the Museum of Modern Art.

We walked back from the Guggenheim down Fifth Avenue so that Wosog could taunt me about visiting various designer shops.

A Week In New York City 4

Our second full day in NYC started with the obligatory visit to the Empire State Building. Fortunately, we went early enough not to have to queue for too long. Views from the 86th floor were breath-taking, and I got a good picture of the Chrysler Building as well as a much hazier view of the Statue of Liberty---but as you can see it is quite a distance away!

In the afternoon we went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art for one of our periodic doses of culture. The museum has a really informal atmosphere and they actually allow you to take pictures, as long as you don't use flash. We left having "stolen" a nice little collection of paintings by Rembrandt, Picasso, Degas and Modigliani. Unfortunately, I don't think my versions will quite achieve the value of the originals!

In the late afternoon we got half price tickets for the Mel Brookes musical "The Producers" in the ticket centre in Times Square. Although I'm not normally a great fan of musicals, I really enjoyed the performance, which was performed extremely professionally.

A Week In New York City 3

Most of our first full day in NYC was spent in the American Museum of Natural History. When we booked the holiday we had bought a CityPass that included a ticket for this museum, but I'd definitely have wanted to go there anyway. I've been fascinated by dinosaurs since childhood and AMNH has a fine collection, two of which meet you in the entrance hall.

Another impressive exhibit is the life-size model of a blue whale that practically occupies a very large room on its own! The display shown here is the Biodiversity Wall that illustrates the variety of lifeforms on the planet.

Part of the AMNH is The Rose Center for Earth and Space. It's devoted to geology and astronomy, and includes an amazing planetarium. There they are currently showing "Cosmic Collisions" which depicts various simulated events including the meteorite collision that is thought to have polished off the dinosaurs.

On the way back to our hotel we had a look at Central Park for the first time: but more of that later.

A Week in New York City 2

Shortly after we settled into our miniscule room we set out to explore Times Square, which was essentially on our doorstep. The New Yorkers are a bit sniffy about Times Square, but I liked it. I get the impression that the square was previously a bit seedy, but it has now been renovated, or some would say sanitised. To me it epitomises what New York is all about: it's brash and "in your face", like it or lump it! From Bubba Gump, which is a bit like TFI Friday, we looked out onto the display of signs that now rivals Las Vegas.

Shops in Times Square include a Toys R Us with a 60 foot Ferris Wheel, a life-size moving T rex, and a life-size Barbie House, although life-size Barbie didn't seem to be home. There are also large Lego models of The Empire State Building, The Chrysler Building and The Statue of Liberty. Strangely enough, they didn't seem to sell kits for any of these! You can buy theatre tickets in the centre in Times Square on the day of the performance for as much as 50% off.

There's always something going on in the square and it's especially busy when the after-theatre audiences pour onto the streets. Day time surprises include the Naked Cowboy, if you are into that sort of thing.

A Week in New York City 1

Well here I am back in the dull, uneventful UK having spent 7 days in "The City That Never Sleeps". Unfortunately, due to jiggling of my biorhythms I temporarily became The Scotsman That Never Sleeps, so getting back to blogging has not been a priority.

We thought that we had a direct flight from Dublin to NYC, but it soon became apparent that there was a stop-over in Shannon. The flight to Shannon was virtually empty: it felt like flying in a private jet, and fair set us up for the multiple stretched limos of Manhattan (none of which we traveled in). The only benefit of this arrangement was that we had the unfettered joy of interrogation by US Immigration in Shannon rather than NYC.

We arrived in New York mid-afternoon, and took the airport shuttle to our hotel near Times Square. The Hotel 41 in, you guessed it, 41st Street is the most expensive hotel we have ever stayed in. Our room also had the dubious distinction of being the smallest hotel room we have ever stayed in. You could not swing a mouse, far less a cat, in this room! The bottom of the safe had carpet on it----I'm sure so that they could include that area in the floor space calculation. We later heard that having 8 inches on one side of your double bed and about 18 inches, much of which was occupied by the air conditioning unit, on the other was fairly standard for Manhattan, even in hotels more expensive than the 41.

The hotel was, however, ideally situated for the exploration of The Big Apple----more of which later.

Bye For Now

Off to NYC today. Back in a week's time, hopefully not too many pounds heavier than I am just now. I hope both my readers behave themselves when I'm away.

Final Preparations

Wosog and I are starting to make our final preparations for our expedition to the New World aka New York City on Tuesday. This is the concluding part of the saga know as Sog's Fiftieth Birthday Celebrations (soon to be released as a major film starring George Clooney as Sog and Nicole Kidman as Wosog).

We're usually quite organised at this stage when we go on "city breaks": we've not only bought a couple of guide books, we've got an approximate list in our heads of the things we'd like to do and/ or see when we get there. The problem this time is that there are so many things to do and see in NYC that the list is a fairly nebulous affair! Fortunately, we're staying a full week, so hopefully we'll be able to "do" The Big Apple, if a little less efficiently than we've "done" other cities.

Never having been to The States before, I'm not sure what the experience will be like. One thing is certain, unless the weather is dreadful for the week we will bring back hundreds (literally) of photos.

Another certainty is that posts on this blog will be non-existent for about a week, but bearing in mind my recent rate of publishing, dear reader, you probably won't notice much difference!

Just In Case You Were Wondering?

Had a great week or so following my birthday. Enjoyed a nice family meal at home on the day itself in which Gdog and Gsog actually spent some of their valuable time with their long-suffering parents. On the Friday went out for a nice meal at a restaurant in Glasgow with other family members. The sole aim of this, of course, was to shame them all into buying me a present----and it worked beautifully.

"Swag" included lots of nice tokens for shops that sell books, CDs and DVDs. I also got a bottle of wine and this excellent little Headliners XL statue of The Great Man. Several of my kind relatives clubbed together to buy me a ride in a hot air balloon that I can take anytime between now and October----I should have produced enough hot air by then!

Wosog had already given me DVDs of all the well known Marx Brothers movies and my children gave me a DVD of The Constant Gardener and Corinne Bailey Rae's CD, which I really like. Wosog gave me a garden gnome called Gordon. I have been asked to point out that she bought me "that big fancy camera" for my birthday, but gave it to me before Christmas. My brother-in-law Bilosog sent me a very nice case of vino. If I've forgotten anything here I do apologise, but thanks to everyone anyway!

I only told the staff in the geriatric ward where I work part-time about my birthday after the event. On Monday I went into my small office to find it festooned with balloons and banners. There was a bottle of wine on the desk and an individual birthday cake. I was later presented with another garden ornament in the form of Doc the Dwarf from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

All in all, a pretty good week!

Over The Hill

Well here it is: the day of my fiftieth birthday. It seems only the other day that I was 49! As you can see, Wosog was, as usual, completely prepared for the occasion. Well that's not quite true: she had planned to get some hair dye and hair restorer to add to the full set of dentures and Zimmer frame that she jokingly bought for my fortieth birthday (Ha, bloody Ha!).

I keep telling myself that age is a state of mind, but if this is the state of my body at fifty, what state is my mind in? Anyway, as you can see I am very pleased to be fifty----you should see me when I'm miserable!

A Great Honour

Guess what? I have just been made an admin of the Flickr Group Flickr Weirdies of the World: a Supreme Weirdie, no less. This is, indeed, a great honour and, unlike my Fellowship of the Royal College of Physicians, doesn't carry with it a hefty annual fee. It all started with my realisation at the weekend that Wosog had suddenly been made a Supreme Weirdie.

This shift in our social standing relative to each other began to send shock waves through our previously relatively stable relationship. Wosog wasn't sure that she could continue to share a bed with a mere Weirdie Supreme (an ordinary member of the group), and was suggesting that I should start walking 2 paces behind her when we were in public. Fortunately, the other Supreme Weirdies took swift and decisive action to elevate me too. Wosog is still smarting a little at having got one up on me for such a short time, but I think she knows that the decision is for the best in the long term.

To celebrate this Great Happening I thought I would post this link to the Muppet Matrix brought to my attention by KnowWonNose of Seattle, Founding Supreme Weirdie and reknowned muppetologist----enjoy!

No Mice Were Harmed...

I think this little video clip is quite clever. Even though the commentary is in French (and well beyond my knowledge of the language), it doesn't detract from the terrible things that appear to be done to the hapless mouse in the name of science.

What do you think?

Buddy, Can You Spare A Dime?

I’ve always tended to avoid debt. I’m not much of a risk-taker. With this in mind, I was interested to read this Times Online article about The USA’s National Debt. Apparently, Congress has agreed to allow the Government to borrow another $781 billion (£447 billion), increasing the national debt limit — the maximum America can borrow — from $8 trillion and $184 billion to $8 trillion and $961 billion.

This is quite a lot of dosh:

• Enough to buy Buckingham Palace 9000 times (as if you would want to)


• Enough to give every person on the planet $1500.00 (a fortune to many, small change to some)


• Enough to build 28 solid gold Eiffel Towers (another pointless exercise)


• Enough to solve the Palestinian crisis by rehousing every Israeli and Palestinian family in a £1.5m detached house in Henley-on-Thames (Interesting, but they’d probably still bicker over the relative sizes of their swimming pools etc).

Anyway, what do you think would be the best use of $9 trillion?

Intimations Of Mortality

I know you won't believe it, but yours truly is 50 (yes, fifty) in 4 days time! I didn't seem to be bothered about it until quite recently , unlike my 40th birthday which plunged me into the slough of despond for months. It's when you find yourself attracted to web pages like this one that you realise that you are getting a bit morose.

I'm afraid I become almost impossible to live with when my mood turns in this direction. I'd just like to put Wosog's name down for canonisation now if I may!