Sunday, October 17, 2004

What Would Groucho Have Said?

These are my favourite quotes from The Great Man:

  • "From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
  • "Here's to our wives and girlfriends....may they never meet!"
  • "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
  • "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
  • "Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped."
  • "Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."
  • "She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."
  • "Remember men you are fighting for the lady's honour, which is probably more than she ever did."
  • "Marriage is the chief cause of divorce."
  • "The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing....if you can fake that you've got it made."
  • "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
  • "Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy."
  • "I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks."
  • "Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
  • "The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his cheque book open."