I Feel Quite Queasy Already

It may surprise you to find out that I am not much of a thrill-seeker. As a child I was never really a fan of fairground rides. Even going on a fairly sedate Ferris wheel in the Kelvin Hall in Glasgow as a teenager made me feel sick, and the idea of subjecting my body to various unnatural forces at somewhere like Alton Towers fills me with horror.

Bearing this in mind, you will not be surprised to discover that this new attraction at the Kennedy Space Center would definitely not be my "cup of tea". Astronauts are paid (quite well, I suspect) to have their bodies thrown around in this manner. Why anybody would pay the center for the experience of "being in a dragster, peeling out from zero to 100 in three seconds, then keeping your foot to the floor for a full six minutes until you reach 17,500 mph." is quite beyond my ken! According to the Wired article, "Inside the capsule, riders are subject to an onslaught of 13-channel sound, from the roar of the engines to the commander barking instructions. Low-frequency sound vibrates the riders' chests, evoking the feeling of being unable to breathe." Now that's what I don't call entertainment!

But then I am an old fart.

The Problem With Scotland

People often ask Wosog and I why we always go on holidays abroad when we live in such a beautiful country. Today's experience is a perfect example of why we behave in this way, irresponsibly expanding our carbon footprint in the process.

This being Summer (or so we had been led to believe), and having recently joined the National Trust for Scotland, we decided to set out in the car for Culzean Castle in Ayrshire. Wosog had been there before and we knew it was an interesting building set in a country park that had other attractions. The weather was slightly overcast as we left but Wosog, the eternal optimist, was confident that conditions would improve by the time we got to the other side of the River Clyde. In fact the sky got steadily more and more grey as we headed towards our destination, and (surprise! surprise!) the rain was bucketing down as we ate our lunch in a hotel just outside Ayr.

The rain continued all the time we were at the Castle. Unfortunately the National Trust, in its "wisdom", doesn't allow photography inside their buildings. Photographs of the exterior of the building were snatched at odd intervals where shelter allowed. Overall, it was hardly the enjoyable photographic experience that we had planned.

Scotland is a beautiful country, and I'm sure the coastal route to Culzean would have been stunning on a sunny day. The difficulty is that we seem to get so few sunny days----and I always seem to be at work during them. That is a problem, and until it's solved I'll continue to spend my hard-earned holidays in sunnier climes!

For Those Who Remember The Lone Ranger....

This is an interview with a guy called Jay Thomas, who I don't know, but I do remember the Lone Ranger.

It's a funny story.

Why Complain?

Like many British folk, I don't like complaining. On a number of occasions in the past I've been in a restaurant, say, and been served food that was not quite up to par, but I've just eaten it or left it, rather than make a fuss about it. Many Brits don't like to attract attention to themselves in public places, and in restaurants there is always the possibility that your food may return to you having been, let's say, adulterated in some way.

I've been in a few hotel rooms that I wasn't entirely happy with too. Again, I don't remember complaining often: too embarrassing. I much prefer the anonymity of slagging them off on Expedia when I return home.

On the subject of hotel rooms, some people seem to love all the little soaps, bath oils etc. that are commonly found there. I've recently developed hand eczema, so I now have a little collection of bottles of moisturisers from hotels, but apart from this aspect these things don't really register with me. I recently came across this account of a hotel guest's unhappiness with the soap supply in his hotel bedroom. It certainly wouldn't encourage me to start doing any more on-site complaining!

I think the moral of the story is "If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging".

Sky Reflected

Sky Reflected
Originally uploaded by Son of Groucho.

Evening sky reflected in the River Clyde.

[Click on the photo to see comments and where it was taken].

A Loada Balls

Under the headline "Happy eaters of the week" last week's Sunday Times' "This life" section had an article about people attending the ninth annual Testicle Festival in Elderon, Wisconsin. The menu included the relevant parts of goats, lambs and bulls. Apparently the festival founder Nancy Fenske said testicles were "not so different from regular meatballs" and posed the question "What else can you do in a small town?" What else, indeed?

As part of my extensive research for this blog post, I put "testicle festival" into Google (if you pardon the pun). Imagine my surprise at finding 4850 hits detailing, amongst other things, festivals in Montana and Illinois. For those keen to pursue the subject further, here's a search for "testicle recipes".

For some reason writing this post has made me squirm uncomfortably in my seat.

Stand By Your Man

After the successes of the Women's Liberation Movement there are now few activities that are the sole preserve of men. Naively perhaps, one might have considered that peeing standing up was one of them, but no more, it seems.

Enter the Shewee----a brilliantly simple (and cheap) device that "allows women to urinate whilst standing or sitting without removing clothes". Apparently, "For the backpacking woman, there are many times when exposing bare flesh to the conditions can be unpleasant or embarrassing. Also the late night wander can be avoided and peeing into a bottle is now possible - bliss!"

Ah, the Simple Pleasures of Life, indeed!

Greetings!

I recently came across this site, which I think is absolutely hilarious. It allows you to send electronic greetings cards (eCards). "Nothing new in that!" you say, but many of these particular cards have a sting in their tail. One of my favourites is "Congratulations on not getting me pregnant." Another gem is "Get well soon so that I find you attractive again."

Which veiled insult do you think is the best?

Diminished Responsibility

Diminished Responsibility
Originally uploaded by Son of Groucho.

I have worked as a Police Surgeon for many years. Most of the time the work involves seeing prisoners, usually drug addicts, in the cells, but we also have to see patients who have died unexpectedly, partly to see if there are any suspicious circumstances to the death.

In the early hours of 15th June last year I was asked to visit an address in Dumbarton. An emergency call had been made for an ambulance. The initial gist of the panicked phone call was that an elderly lady had collapsed in her home, but when the crew arrived to find the lady lying dead in her bedroom surrounded by blood with a large hole in her neck they surmised that something might be amiss.

I’ve been to a number of crime scenes over the years, but this was probably the bloodiest. Details of the subsequent court case can be found by clicking on the picture, but the outcome was that the poor woman had been stabbed while she slept by her grandson, who was only 15 years old at the time.

We will probably never know exactly what went on in that house but, on the surface of it, McAlpine stabbed his grandmother after she threatened to “wash her hands of him” if his behaviour didn’t improve! You really wonder what provocation would drive a 15 year old into such a rage that he would stab an elderly woman 23 times.

On the way home in the car this evening I heard how a teenager had been killed in Blackpool by a single stab wound to the chest. We clearly have to convince our young people that carrying knives can lead to tragedy---for all age groups.

Back from the grave---again!

I've decided to revive The Voice of Reason. It's the fault of my brother in law, Bilosog. I met him in a shop in Glasgow at the weekend and he berated me for not blogging. He's retired, the lucky bugger, while I am still dragging myself out of bed every day to earn an honest shilling or two. I should be telling him to take up blogging since he's got plenty of time to do it!

I'm not sure what has made me "take up the cudgel" again. Many (both?) of you probably think it's a false dawn, and that I won't keep it up---well, we'll see! Anyway, I've decided to change to Blogger's new, improved system and appear to have lost many of my page elements (including all the old comments) in the process! Please bear with me while I try and find at least some of them. I've got a funny feeling that the old comments are gone for ever, though, since I'm probably just going to use Blogger's commenting set up.

Anyway, there we have it: the new, improved (well, eventually) Voice of Reason: God bless Her and He who rants in her!

Merry Christmas

Our Christmas Card
Originally uploaded by Son of Groucho.

Couldn't go a whole month without posting anything, so here it is. Hope that anyone reading this has a Great Christmas.

Hope Santa brought you all you wished for......

The Increasing Prevalence Of Multiple Diplomatosis

When Wosog and I both went to university (when dinosaurs roamed the Earth) only a small proportion of school pupils were expected to go onto Higher Education (around 10-15 %, I think). Now it seems that the job market of hi tech 21st Century UK plc requires a much higher proportion of the population to have a degree. I believe the current figure is over 40%, but The Powers That Be (in their infinite wisdom) would like it to be nearer 50%. Political correctness discourages the notion that many of today's degrees don't carry quite the same weight as degrees obtained in our day, but I suggest that the content of many of these courses, and the resultant poor job prospects conferred by their degrees leaves a lot to be desired. Meanwhile, the country is crying out for skilled tradesmen who can still, by some miracle, manage to perform some really quite complex tasks without, at present, having to have a degree.

The mindless expansion of Higher Education has created enormous financial difficulties for the universities, producing the ludicrous situation where students are to be asked to pay bigger and bigger fees to gain a degree that is essentially worthless when it comes to finding a job. Students who are being asked to pay these fees are now becoming more demanding. I heard on the radio yesterday that students of history at, I think, Bristol University are protesting about a lack of lecture time! The lecturers are being encouraged to do more research, since that brings money into the university. Meanwhile, the students are being told to do more work on their own, particularly online. Some of them are making the point that they could easily do that off their own bat, without paying hefty fees to the university!

The University of Bums on Seats seems to me to sit perfectly (pardon the pun) with the ethos of modern British Higher Education. It really sounds as if one could progress effortlessly through the courses there and leave brandishing a substantial piece of paper to wave under the nose of a prospective employer. In fact, Wosog awarded herself a PhD in counseling the other night. I have to call her Dr Wosog from now on. Their Fasttrack E-degrees sound like just the ticket for the disgruntled history students of Bristol.

The worrying thing is it could almost be real, or am I just being a bit cynical?

Peeved

I'm on holiday for the next 4 days (did you know that, Wosog?) so I've got loads of time to blog (you lucky people, you). However, I've had a bad start to the day. I've just discovered that, despite volunteering, I'm not going to be included in the Men of Flickr Calendar this year!

This is a picture of the chosen twelve. Now, I ask you, are any of them as handsome as I am? Personally, I think there is a clearly shown bias against men with bushy eyebrows and mustaches here that is totally unacceptable in our modern world. Anyway, I'll get over it.

Gnome Alert

As the proud possessor of 3 garden gnomes, and the founder member of the thriving Flickr Group "Home for Gnomes", I was disturbed to read in the Sunday Times today, as well as the USA Today website, of the snatching of almost 80 of the little chaps in France. Apparently they were "freed" by gnome rights activists known as The Front for the Liberation of Garden Gnomes.

These French fanatics, rather like Al Queda, having tentacles spreading throughout the Globe. I am thinking of installing cc tv cameras in our back garden.

I ask you, is nothing sacred these days?

Now That's What I Call Art 2

A Few Paintings We Brought Home 5
Originally uploaded by Son of Groucho.

Further to my previous rant about the deficiencies of modern art, I was fascinated to read yesterday that a 4' by 8' board covered with dripped-on paint by Jackson Pollock, and imaginatively titled No 5, 1948, had sold for a world record $140 million (£73.35 million). It's not the worst piece of modern art I've seen, but I won't be saving up to try and prise it from it's current owner in a few years time.

The article in the Independent newspaper did, however, also inform me that this picture by Van Gogh, that I photographed in the Musee d'Orsay changed hands in 1990 for $82.5 million (£47.1 million). Who knows what it would fetch now? It's interesting to speculate on the monetary value of the total contents of that museum....

Where Have All The Heroes Gone?

Where Have All The Heroes Gone?
Originally uploaded by Son of Groucho.

One of the places we visited in our recent wee trip to Paris was the Hotel des Invalides. This amazing building was constructed by Louis XIV in the 1670s as a residential village for up to 4000 invalides (disabled veterans) who were begging in the streets of Paris. The courtyard is now used for military parades. Behind the four-storey classical facade is the Dome Church (Eglise du Dome). Les Invalides was built between 1677 and 1735: the dome took 27 years to build.

The Eglise du Dome now houses the Tomb of Napoleon. His remains are encased in 5 coffins and a sarcophagus of red porphyry. The church also contains the tomb of Ferdinand Foch (see above), and the rather beautiful tomb of Hubert Lyautey. I had never heard of the latter, but I like his tomb, and I'd quite like mine to be similar (Wosog please note).

My point is this: can you think of a single modern politician, or military leader, in the world today that would be so revered by their public that the latter would support a memorial of this magnitude? I can't. Maybe this is just a cynical age, and we all look too readily for less-than-altruistic motivation behind the actions of our leaders? Maybe it will take a truly global conflict (God forbid) to bring forward men of true stature? I don't know, but I do know for certain that there would be a huge public outcry in the UK if it was proposed that any of our current so-called leaders, or indeed former prime ministers, be immortalised in this way.

Where have all the heroes gone?

Now That's What I Call Art!

On the first day of our recent visit to Paris we revisited the Musee d'Orsay. This is housed in an old railway station that is itself a work of art. It's amazing to think that the authorities were at one time thinking of demolishing it to make way for a giant hotel. On the lower levels of the museum there are some amazing examples of sculpture while the upper levels contain the impressionist and postimpressionist paintings that Wosog and I really like. Wouldn't it have been nice to bring home a little Manet, Degas, Toulouse-Lautrec, a Renoir or a Van Gogh? Unfortunately, security arrangements at the museum meant that all we could take were photographs, but a guy can dream, can't he?

To me, this is real art: in total contrast with the pathetic modern "sculptures" etc we saw at the Guggenheim Museum in New York in April. These and other examples of modern art, such as those we struggled not to giggle at at the Modern Art Museum in Barcelona, to me have no more artistic validity than paintings made out of toast and marmite.

But then, I am a Philistine....

Back From The Dead

Wosog's Little Friend
Originally uploaded by Son of Groucho.

I'm not a very disciplined individual. I find it difficult to concentrate on one subject for long. Bearing that in mind, it is probably surprising that I have managed to keep blogging for 2 years. Recently I've had pretty severe "blogger's block". There is also the small matter of "real life getting in the way". Once you get out of the habit of posting, it's really quite difficult to get back into it again, but I'm going to make a concerted effort to do so.

As a start, I present this intriguing picture of The Bold Wosog confronting a plucky little ghost in the Catacombes de Paris recently. What happened next was reminiscent of a episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Wosog may be small, but she's not phased by a bit of ectoplasm.

There will be more of our Paris trip, including visiting the dead, both above and below ground, in future exciting episodes of The Voice of Reason.

Is It Really That Long?

I know this is a provocative title, but I don't want any sniggering at the back there! I am referring to the fact that I have now been blogging for 2 years. Recently I have been a very lazy blogger, and to show that I have reached the zenith of lazy blogging, what follows is a verbatim thread from my Flickr Friend little hobbit feet's post to the group Flickr Weirdies of the World:

"Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today's world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as others see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn't give their domain names enough consideration:

1. At a site called "Who Represents" you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity.
Their domain name is http://www.whorepresents.com.

2. Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers
can exchange advice and views at http://www.expertsexchange.com.

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further
than Pen Island at http://www.penisland.net .

4. Need a therapist?
Try Therapist Finder at http://www.therapistfinder.com.

5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator
company's http://www.powergenitalia.com.

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based
in New South Wales http://www.molestationnursery.com.

7. If you're looking for computer software,
there's always http://www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church.
Their website is http://www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there are the clueless art designers
with their wacky website http://www.speedofart.com.

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe ?
Try their brochure website at http://www.gotahoe.com. "

Yes, they are all genuine. Do you know any others?

Empty Nest

The Lake from the bridge
Originally uploaded by Wosog.

I know I've been a very bad blogger (again) recently, but yesterday was such a momentous day that I felt I had to mark it with one of my rare blog posts. This picture from Wosog shows the campus of the University of Stirling. This is where Wosog and I deposited our beloved Gsog yesterday leaving our house very empty and very quiet. We are hoping that our second born returns from Stirling with a degree in accountancy. The game plan is that he becomes such a wealthy professional that he can boost my meagre pension from time to time and give me the retirement that I dream of.

The grounds of the university are, as you can see, quite spectacular with an impressive loch and views of the Wallace Monument and the Ochill Hills. Unfortunately Gsog's room in the hall of residence is somewhat smaller than he is used too and the decor is somewhat Spartan. This doesn't matter too much though, does it, when so much of his time will be spend leafing through weighty tomes in the University Library?

Anyway, hopefully this is "the start of something big" and the bold, long-haired Gsog will return from Stirling a stern, sobre-sided accountant. Watch this space.