For the Person who has Everything

Some time ago I blogged about a hi-tech toilet seat that I had come across while on holiday in Kefalonia in Greece. The seat in question rotated when you left and cleaned its surface, protecting you from all the hazards of bum-transmitted infections, and the unpleasant "calling cards" of males with aiming problems . I thought this was the ultimate in toilet seats but science never sleeps, and I have just stumbled on a quantum leap in toilet technology: the washlet.

Up till now we have had to be satisfied with toilet paper to do the necessary after we have done the inevitable, but according to the Toto Website, toilet paper merely "moves the problem around". To feel truly happy about your personal hygiene you really need a very sophisticated electronic device to---lets be frank---wipe your bum. The site is very nicely designed with friendly music, and pictures of attractive bottoms and faces. Buttons on the webite direct you to every facet of the washlet you could possibly want to know about. The gadget doesn't just clean the relevant area with scientific precision using water at the prefect temperature, it also dries you at the right temperature, and even controls the rate at which the toilet seat goes down. I think you still do have to remember to put the seat down yourself, though!

I love the bit in the technology section where the guy says that the washlet toilet seat "has more in common with your laptop computer than any toilet seat you've ever come across". When you think about it that's not saying much! The nice folk on the Toto site cover several racial groups and they all seem so happy and secure that their personal hygiene needs are being taken care of.

I really don't know if bog roll is going to be enough for me any more.....

PS If you think there is something fishy about the washlet, try this!

An Interview With LizardMan

I have never been keen on the idea of tattooing or body piercing. Both Wosog and Gdog have their ears pierced, and I don't really have a problem with that. Two or three years ago Gdog got a tattoo. I still don't think this was a good idea, but clearly an 18 or 19 year-old is entitled to take their own decisions.

This interesting article shows pictures of folk that have altered their bodies in very extreme ways by means not only of piercing, and extensive examples of tattooing, but also subcutaneous inserts, etc. The leopard man, for example, has over 90% of his body surface tattooed and has altered his dentition quite drastically to make him look more like a big cat. If you watch the video about him, however, he seems a very pleasant well balanced individual! The LizardMan featured here again has extreme tattooing and altered teeth, but he also has a split tongue that, frankly, gives me the creeps. The video shows that he is quite an articulate and intelligent individual, however.

The question is "Why do they do it?" Do they alter their bodies simply to "dress themselves up" in a similar way to someone else donning a designer suit or carrying an expensive bag? It seems to me that there must be more to it than that! A Flickr contact from New Jersey with the Flickr name perhapsiam is a tattooist and body piercer. He says:

"I really don't view most types of body modification as anything more extreme than, say, a haircut. It's more about making what you were given into what you feel it should be than anything else. We all do this in some way or another. What these people have done is nothing more extreme than basic corrective or cosmetic surgeries, and with less potential risk in most cases."

You might argue that perhapsiam has a vested interest, but at least he practices what he preaches, having one or two body modifications himself. Perhaps he's right that these people are not really doing anything more abnormal than a woman having breast implants? Perhaps folk like myself, with a fairly conventional view of the World should be less judgemental about people like the LizardMan and celebrate his individuality and creativity?

I'll give this some thought---but I won't be getting any piercings or tattoos done any time soon!

Amy Winehouse

One of my favourite singers is Amy Winehouse, and I was sorry, but not surprised, to hear that she had been admitted to hospital recently with either "exhaustion" or a drug overdose (depending on who you believe). She has a fantastic voice and, I think, great potential, but I'm not sure she has the temperament to stay the course of a long career.

It would be a shame if she either dropped out of the music scene or, worse still, joined the ranks of those who died tragically young.

Global Worrying

Reasons to be Cheerful
Originally uploaded by Son of Groucho.

I have previously confessed to being a terrible worrier. It should be fairly obvious from my various geeky activities that I am also a great enthusiast about the internet, and other forms of mass communication. Acres of text have been produced in the last year or two about the perils of Global Warming, but I think Global Worrying is an equally disturbing modern trend.

War is awful, and every death in combat is a tragedy for the person involved and their family, but deaths in war are inevitable. Modern mass communications mean that if even one or two British soldiers are killed in Iraq it is splashed across our newspapers and computer screens almost immediately. You could argue that this is a good thing, and makes us constantly aware of the reality of the conflict, but there is no doubt in my mind that it also raises anxiety levels in the countries affected.

Recently, concerns about the American mortgage market led to huge effects on stock markets throughout the Globe within days. Central banks have felt obliged to pump huge amounts of money into the system to stabilise the situation. Opinion is divided on whether this is a temporary blip or represents a fundamental weakness in the US economy. Only time will tell, but the speed and the magnitude of the short-term effects only serve to remind us what a connected World we live in.

Sometimes it's true that "ignorance is bliss".

Pooper Scoopers

From the "You know you have too much money when" file
Originally uploaded by behindblueeyes.

Many thanks to behindblueeyes on Flickr for making me aware of this service. I might even go out and buy a pet just so that I can make use of it! I was a bit disappointed that they didn't quote their prices though.

I was intrigued to find that Scoops is a member of aPaws (The Association of Professional Animal Waste Specialists). However, it seems this profession only exists in the USA and Canada. Apparently, pet owners in the rest of the World have to "do it themselves", so-to-speak. My Flickr friend The Rocketeer lives near Atlanta, Georgia. I must let him know about the aPaws 5th Annual Scooper Convention & Turd-Herding Contest scheduled for next January.

Unsung Heroes

Many folk, myself included, find this little Dilbert clip hilarious. The question is "Why?" I've always been interested in humour and the reasons why certain people find certain things funny. It seems to me that the main reason people find this video humorous relates to the surprisingly low social standing that engineers have compared to other professions.

This chart shows the IQ ranges for a wide variety of occupations. As a medic, I smugly noted that "Medical occupations: MD and equivalent" occupy the top slot, but as you can see engineers of various types are not far behind. I don't have the figures to hand, but I suspect that, on a global basis, engineers are paid significantly less than doctors.

Much of the hi tech world that we take for granted---the machines we use, the roads we drive on, the internet we enjoy---owe their existence to engineers of various sorts. So why do we treat these guys as figures of fun? Why is Dilbert's mum so upset that he is destined to join their ranks? Maybe it is something to do with the name? The term "engineer" conjures up an image of rolled-up sleeves and hairy arms covered with machinery oil.

Perhaps engineers need to call themselves something else to try and get the respect from us all that they undoubtedly deserve?

Royksopp - Remind Me

This is a clever little video and the song is quite hypnotic, but I'm not sure what the message is.

Ballooning in Luxor

Our "Sister Balloon"
Originally uploaded by Son of Groucho.

A while ago I posted extensively about a balloon flight that I did from Perth, Scotland. At that time Wosog declined the offer to join me, but she did take some excellent photographs of the event. At the end of the first week of our holiday in Egypt I had the chance to take a flight in Luxor, and this time the wife decided to join me. I thought there were some interesting differences between the flight in Luxor and the flight in Perth.

The first difference was the fact that the Luxor flight was early in the morning. This had the twin advantages of (a) being cooler, and (b) allowing us to see the sun rising over the River Nile. The second difference was in the number of personnel involved in the process. On the Virgin flight in Scotland (which was much more expensive) the passengers were expected to help the pilot and his assistant inflate the balloon and carefully fold it up after the landing. In Egypt a veritable army of burly wee guys was provided to (a) inflate the balloon, (b) literally lift the female passengers into the basket, and (c) hastily bundle up the balloon after the landing. Virgin would claim that their set-up provides the passengers with a more complete experience of ballooning but I suspect the difference has much more to do with relative labour costs in the two countries!

The balloon in Egypt was much larger and carried almost twice as many passengers as the Virgin one. The crew timed the launch to perfection, and we got a great view of the sunrise. We also had great views of several other balloons flying at the same time. Highlights of the trip included Hatshepsut's Mortuary Temple and an amazing overview of Karnak. The views of the river as we crossed the Nile were stunning. The only slightly scary part of the flight was when we came down in a fairly small piece of waste ground next to a road in the middle of a built-up area. This was definitely more worrying than coming down in a field in Scotland. If anyone is interested we have gathered pictures from both of us of both flights in a Flickr Group called "Flights of the Sogs".

All in all, it was a marvellous experience, and one I'd highly recommend!

Chocolate Rain

I'm not sure if I should thank my Flickr friend The Rocketeer for showing me this video. Firstly, it's one of those songs that sticks in your head and drives you mad for days. Secondly, despite the fact that they are enunciated with such sincerity, the words are just just as unfathomable as the average REM lyric. Finally, the little guy that sings it is just plain weird! There is no way that voice should be coming out of his small frame.

The vid has certainly been popular on YouTube, spawning spoof versions featuring luminaries as diverse as Darth Vader and McGruff the Crime Dog.

As a wee experiment, I was thinking of going into work today and saying "Chocolate Rain" before every sentence I speak. It would be interesting to see how long it would take before my colleagues (a) called the Police, (b) summoned The Men in White Coats, or (c) beat me senseless just to make me stop.

Maybe I'll give it a miss.

Traditional Dress

While I was in Egypt on one occasion I wore a galabeya, an example of which is shown here as worn by my friend Clive. My reason for showing you Clive rather than me is (a) to maintain my secret identity, and (b) because I looked like a plonker in mine.

You may think it odd that I should wear a traditional Egyptian costume when I have never yet worn a kilt, but I was on holiday and I couldn't get out of it. I have thought about wearing a kilt in the past, but I'm not sure if I've got the legs for it, and there is the question of what one wears under it. I've been to several weddings where there were multiple kilt-wearers, and a few of my relatives have their own kilts.

Kilts, of course, don't look right without the sporran. I'm not sure what Scots of old kept in these, but in modern times they must provide quite a handy place to keep you keys and your mobile phone etc. I abhor bureaucracy, and I was disturbed recently to discover that new legislation may mean that sporran-wearers will in future require a licence for them!

Maybe I'll just stick to the galabeya-----or maybe not!

The Balkan Whitney Houston

Thanks to JumpinJack, my Flickr friend, for pointing me in the direction of this cover version of Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" by a nice girl called Nevena Coneva. Apparently, she is quite a good singer. She was maybe just having an "off" day.

This performance is so awful that it's brilliant!

Desperation

Desperation
Originally uploaded by Son of Groucho.

One of the less attractive features of Egypt is the tendency for people to come up to you in public places trying to sell you things. At practically all the ancient sites that we visited there seemed to be a collection of tiny shops between the place where you bought your entry tickets and the bus parking area. This would have been OK if you were simply left with the option of going into the shop. Instead, the shopkeeper would assail you on the way back to the bus and try to sell you a shirt, a guide book, etc. After our visit to the Valley of the Queens one guy seemed to lock onto me like a tourist-seeking missile. Despite my persistent attempts to shoo him away, he was determined to sell me a shirt and the price he was asking dropped precipitously. By the time I got to the bus he was almost offering to pay me to take the item!

The most extreme example we saw (see picture) happened when the cruise boat stopped waiting to get through the lock at Esna on the way to Aswan. Several little boats swarmed around our boat and the people on board repeatedly threw goods (mainly galabeyas) up onto the cruise boat in the hope that someone would throw money, rather than the unwanted galabeya, back.

I suspect many of these folk are pretty poor, and I'm obviously sympathetic, but I really can't imagine they make much money by using these tactics.

An Apology

Sorry I haven't blogged much since returning from holiday. Holidays are wonderful things, but they have two problems associated with them. The first of these is the fact that you have to go back to work after them. The second problem is the fact that the poor buggers that have been snowed under while you have been away often have the audacity to go on holiday themselves when you go back. This unpleasant behaviour often increases the stress levels of vulnerable individuals suffering from post-holiday depression. It's fair to say that I have been pretty busy with "real life" since returning from Egypt.

Another particular problem was the sudden death of my elderly desktop computer shortly after I came home. Although I also have a laptop, all my photoediting software was on the old machine, somewhat interfering with the post-processing of my 400 images from the holiday! Fortunately, after a period in intensive care at the computer hospital, the old boy is back on his feet---in fact I'm typing on him now.

Hopefully, next week will be better!

Luxor Temple

Luxor Temple
Originally uploaded by Son of Groucho.

On our first day in Luxor we also visited the Luxor Temple. We had already seen evidence of the ego of Ramesses II (Ramesses the Great) at Karnak where the picture attached to the last post shows his inscriptions carved deep into the columns to avoid any chance of obliteration by future rulers.

In front of the Great Pylon of Luxor Temple (shown here) there is a single obelisk that used to be one of a pair. Visitors to Paris may have seen the second obelisk from Luxor in the Place de la Concorde.

Three lines of vertical inscription on every face of the remaining obelisk repeat the names and titles of Ramesses II: Mighty Bull; Exalter of Thebes; Favourite of the Two Goddesses, establishing monuments in Luxor for his father Amun, who placed him upon the throne; Golden Horus, seeking excellent things for him who fashioned him; King of Upper and Lower Egypt. Amazingly, but typical of Ramesses, when the second obelisk was lowered in order to be transported to France, the Pharaoh's name was also found inscribed on the bottom!

This guy had an ego that would make Donald Trump look like a shrinking violet.

Karnak

Ramesses Makes His Mark
Originally uploaded by Son of Groucho.

I'm not going to bore you all/ both with every detail of our holiday in Egypt, but there were certain highlights that I thought I should record. The first ancient site that we visited while the boat was still moored in Luxor was the Temple Complex at Karnak. Karnak consists of many temples built over 1,300 years and the site occupies 200 acres! Needless to say, we didn't manage to see everything, but highlights included the huge statue of Ramesses II (Ramesses the Great), and the Great Hypostyle Hall that was built by his father, Seti I and was completed by Ramesses (shown here).

Other things at Karnak included the tallest obelisk in Egypt erected by the only female Egyptian Pharaoh, Hatshepsut, whose mummy was only very recently identified.

We were fortunate to have a fantastic guide for the trip called Amro Mounir, who also lectured at the Cairo Museum. The visit to Karnak was a superb introduction to Egypt and egyptology.

Back in Blighty

Just got home today after a fabulous holiday in Egypt. Still recovering from the shock of going from the 5 star Sheraton Hotel in Soma Bay to the Travelodge at Gatwick Airport. We were so knackered from the journey that the most uncomfortable bed in the known universe didn't seem so bad.

Highlight of our Travelodge visit was the shower that gave you a choice of cold or perishing temperature then refused to shut off afterwards! Wosog thought I was just being useless as usual, but she had no more success with the bloody thing than I did. The maintenance man assured us that replacement of the showers was part of a forthcoming refurbishment program. Call me sceptical if you like...

I still think Travelodges are reasonable value for money and often conveniently located.

I suppose you get (or in this case don't get) what you pay for!

Ricky Gervais' Simpsons Episode

Heading off today for London. Flying to Egypt tomorrow. Can't think what to write about, so here's a clip from the episode of The Simpsons written by Ricky Gervais featuring a song that is truly awful---but in a good way.

Back (all too) soon!

Oh The Irony!

I recently mentioned that Wosog and I were going to Egypt, but I was slightly concerned about the risk of a terrorist attack there. We are due to fly to London tomorrow from Glasgow Airport so we can catch a flight to Luxor from Gatwick the next day. Many of you will already know that on Saturday there was a terrorist attack on the very terminal that we were due to check in at tomorrow. Subsequently, a bomb was found, and destroyed in a controlled explosion, in the car park of the hospital to which a severely burned terrorist from the airport attack had been taken. It seems that Egypt may be a safer place to be than Scotland at present!

I used to work at the hospital mentioned and I can imagine the damage that a bomb exploded by terrorists in the car park might do. Fortunately there were no innocent victims of the outrage at the airport. Personally, I would have great difficulty bringing myself to treat someone who had carried out one of these attacks.

There is no "cause", no grievance so great, that it justifies detonating a bomb next to innocent men, women and children.

If a thing ain't broke...

I've been a bit quiet on the blogging front for the last few days, mainly because British Telecom has been doing its best to screw up my internet connection. I have been quite happy with the service that they have provided up till now, but for months they have been badgering me to get something called a BT Home Hub. This is a trendy white box that doesn't just act as a router-modem, it also has an internet phone attached and gives you access to lots of other wonderful "services" (or so they say). I had resisted their approaches because I thought there was a potential for creating problems where none currently existed. Last week I finally gave in and agreed to "upgrade" my system.

The trendy white box with its dinky white internet phone arrived on Thursday. The documentation was comprehensive, but I phoned up to check that I didn't need to uninstall my existing hardware before connecting up my wonderful new hub. I was told by a nice lady that this was not necessary. I unplugged a perfectly functioning old system and plugged in the new system to find that it detected no broadband service at all. Despite, literally, hours on the phone to the helpline, and numerous bizarre manoeuvres the f---ing device is still not working. We even had it sitting between 6 pm last night and 6 am today supposedly updating itself. This involved all of the lights on the front of the thing flashing in an extremely irritating way. At 6.05 am I finally pulled the plug on the annoying little piece of junk, reconnected my low tech old broadband router modem and, fortunately, resumed flawless surfing.

The extremely polite, pathologically cheerful BT technician is due to phone me (from India, I suspect) at 4.30 pm today to see how things have gone.

In my extremely impolite, pathologically morose way, I'll be telling him, in fairly detailed anatomical terms, where he can stuff his BT Home Hub.

The Joys of the British Housing Market

The housing market in the UK is barking mad. I am so glad I am not a first time buyer these days. With talk of pig sties in the Cotswolds selling for ridiculous fees, I thought the worst excesses of the market were restricted to England.

Prices in St Andrews in Scotland have been rising fairly steeply in the last few years, but this article about the sale of public toilets there shows that things are getting distinctly out of hand. The guide price was £50,000, but the "property" actually sold for almost £200,000! It apparently has three doors onto the street and was described by the sellers as "being in need of extensive renovation.".

You don't say....