The Teflon Folk

Having been on several holidays now where at least some of the time has been spent relaxing on a beach, I have come to recognise a subspecies of Homo sapiens that I have christened Homo teflonsis. When the Sogs set out for the beach, being fair skinned Scots, they are coated in high factor sun blocker. When the children were small we even insisted on their wearing tee shirts while in swimming. Visits to the beach for us require sunglasses, hats, several beach towels, sun tan lotion for "topping up", books to read, a camera, a little bottle of water to avoid dehydration, and a CD player to avoid boredom. Optional extras include snorkels and masks. Wosog even has a natty little pair of clear plastic shoes to avoid damage to her sensitive feet when negociating a stony shoreline. Once we get to the beach we tend to spend most of the time adjusting the position of our expensive beds to gain the maximum shade from our umbrella.

The Teflon Folk tend to travel alone. There is not an inch of fat on their perfect bodies, and they have an immaculate all-over tan already. They bring no "beach equipment" with them, and require no shade or sun blocker. No matter how apparently uncomfortable the beach surface, including large pebbles or rocks, they can lie on it for hours if necessary in no apparent discomfort. Most characteristic of all, however, is the fact that no matter how long they lie on the beach the sand never sticks to them. This is probably because, unlike the ordinary mortals there, they never perspire.

The photograph is a very old one of Wosog, Gsog and Gdog in the foreground with a Teflon Girl in the background lying on a rock. For years Wosog has accused me of deliberately photographing this particular female, but I will maintain to my death bed that it was a completely accidental inclusion in the picture of my lovely family!