A Shaky Hand....

Mark Twain, the smug bastard, once commented "He wrote in a doctor's hand---the hand which from the beginning of time has been so disastrous to the pharmacist and so profitable to the undertaker."

Like many doctors, my handwriting, for which I won plaudits at primary school, seems to get worse every year. I think the rot set in at university, where I soon realised that I was incapable of writing both quickly and neatly. Things got worse as a junior hospital doctor, when the working hours were much worse than the cushy conditions enjoyed by the current generation of young docs. Then you were expected to write copious notes while barely able to stand, or keep your eyes open.

Now that I'm an established practitioner, the paperwork mountain seems to grow bigger every year, despite assurances from various sources that attempts will be made to cut down bureaucracy for GPs. My writing is so bad that sometimes even I have difficulty reading it! Slowing down makes no difference, and I suspect I am now incapable of writing neatly, no matter how hard I try. As far as I am aware, no misreading of my spidery scribble has had fatal consequences for any of my patients, but maybe I shouldn't tempt fate. Twain has an irritating habit of being proved right, after all.

Interestingly, my late father had very neat legible handwriting, and my sister's script is eminently legible. I can't argue that my genes are against me. Maybe I should fight my usual pessimism, and look here!

One For The Star Wars Fans?

Many thanks to Sapientium for pointing me in the direction of this parody of the new Star Wars film. The real film is likely to be better produced, but I don't think it will be half as funny!

One For The Show-offs....

Here's the computer keyboard for the the smug smarty pants types among you!

You wonder why geeks that use this sort of thing need a monitor. Can't they just visualise and memorise what they type (presumably at lightening speed)?

The Last Page?

There you are, you've finally got there. Now naff off and do something more useful!

And just to make sure, switch the damn thing off!

A New Recipe

Entertaining can be stressful. It's always difficult to think of something new to give your guests. Fortunately, the Web is full of useful information, including this tasty recipe!

Please note that no spiders were harmed in the making of this sequence of images (honest).

Time On Your Hands?

Suffering a bit from blogger's block just now, but here's a link for those who delight in watching paint dry....

One In A Million

Have you ever wanted an idea of how big a number 1 million was?

Well here's pi to 1 million decimal places (I've checked, honest)....

Not quite sure what the point of this is!

Tagged!

I've been tagged by Shooting Parrots. Here are the instructions:

What follows is a list of different occupations. You must select at least five of them. You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select five of the items as it was passed to you). Of the five you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession. Then pass it on to three other bloggers.

If I could be a scientist... I'd discover the cure for cancer, then be unbearably smug for the rest of my life.

If I could be a farmer... I'd sing "I've got a brand new combine harvester" day and night and drive my family demented!

If I could be a musician...

If I could be a doctor...

If I could be a painter...

If I could be a gardener... I'd maybe have a lawn that's 90% grass instead of 90% moss!

If I could be a missionary...

If I could be a chef...

If I could be an architect...

If I could be a linguist... I'd be ever so cunning!

If I could be a psychologist... I'd find out what makes Gsog tick, and set about "reprogramming" him!

If I could be an athlete...

If I could be a lawyer...

If I could be an innkeeper...

If I could be a professor...

If I could be a writer...

If I could be a backup dancer...

If I could be a llama-rider...

If I could be a bonnie pirate... I'd make Orlando Bloom and Jonny Depp look positively ugly!

If I could be a midget stripper...

If I could be a proctologist... I'd start at the bottom and work my way up!

If I could be a TV-Chat Show host...

If I could be an actor...

If I could be a judge...

If I could be a Jedi...

If I could be a mob boss...

If I could be a backup singer...

If I could be a CEO...

If I could be a movie reviewer...

If I could be a monkeys uncle...

If I could be a CSI...

If I could be a computer nerd...

If I could be a Kindergarten teacher... I'd probably strangle the little buggers to prevent them developing into teenagers!

That's me done. Now I'm tagging Alfie, Roger and Birdman...

This is a Joke, Right?

Thankyou to Bifurcated Rivets for pointing me in the direction of RentMySon.com. This is a fairly basic website through which trusting parents apparently (surprise, surprise) rent out their male child for various menial tasks. In the spirit of political correctness, there's also a sister site called, well, RentMyDaughter.com. The boys on RentMySon all seem to specialise in "proms" and "parties", apart from little Zach who allegedly helps single men attract women by making them look "the father type". The problem is, I'm not absolutely sure if they are taking the piss or not?

As an experiment, I was thinking of registering Gsog with RentMySon, but I couldn't decide what to put down as his specialties. How about "Provides sound sleepers with experience of insomnia" or "Allows those with high blood pressure a chance to check out the effectiveness of their medication"?

Then, of course, there's Gdog....

Nice To See You?

I'm not, by nature, a very gregarious individual. I don't really like parties much unless I know the participants well. I'm very poor at making "small talk". Like other professional groups, University Medical Years, for reasons I'll never understand, seem to feel obliged to have reunions: usually every five years. They are often organised by the people in the year who were pathologically socially active at University. These folk were always arranging this and that, whether anyone wanted them to do so or not. Organising a reunion of a class of 200 or so people is no minor feat, especially when the people concerned may be scattered across the globe, but, for God's sake, no one forces the buggers to do it!

I've only been to one of these Year Group Reunions. We were living in a slightly remote part of Scotland at the time, and for once the party was being held in a hotel quite close to us. This made refusing the invitation a little harder than usual. I had been a bit depressed, for reasons I won't go into, and Wosog thought that attending the "do" might cheer me up. How wrong can you be?

There were one or two people at the reunion that I didn't mind seeing again, but there were several who I really would rather have never seen again. There was one guy in particular, who had been a total proctalgia fugax at university. He had gone to the USA and was now, appropriately enough, a successful gastroenterologist (or so he told us in endless detail). Then there was the guy who was generally agreed to be a total buffoon at university. He turned out to now have some lofty position controlling a budget of several million pounds! All in all it was a thoroughly dispiriting experience, and I vowed never to go to one of these events again.

I wouldn't like you to think, from the last paragraph, that I have difficulty coping with the success of others. By and large, I am quite happy with my lot in life and I don't begrudge colleagues for whom I have genuine respect their little triumphs. I'm not so sure about this guy though!

Hell hath no fury....

Wosog went to visit her friend Julie two days ago with another friend, Karen. As you can imagine, the conversation ranged far and wide, but one topic was a woman who Karen knew that played a rather nasty trick on an unsuspecting ex-boyfriend. We'll call the couple Jack and Jill.

The two had been together for a long time, but it was apparent that, although Jack was very fond of Jill, the real love of his life was his fancy motor car on which he lavished far more attention than he did on his girlfriend. After some time, the two drifted apart and it became clear that their relationship didn't have a future. Jill knew that they were about to split up, but she was bitter, and wanted revenge not only on Jack, but on the mechanical monster that had usurped her.

While Jack was at work, Jill took a plastic TicTac container that still had two mints in it, and carefully taped it inside the glove compartment of Jack's Pride and Joy. In the fullness of time the couple finally split up, but Jill continued observation of her ex-boyfriend through mutual acquaintances. It seemed that the poor man had started to notice an irritating "rattle" emanating from his beloved car that defied the analytic powers of a veritable army of expensive mechanics. Several hundred pounds down the road, Jack finally parted company with the car, and bought something more practical, and Japanese. He was never quite the same again....

Bloody devious these women aren't they?

You Rang?

First Dream
Originally uploaded by noqontrol.

Another Flickr contributor that I came across recently is Noqontrol. His profile doesn't reveal much about him, but some of his images are amazing: often surreal, frequently grotesque.

Why not check him out?

Getting Things Done 1

I've admitted in the past that one of my major faults is Procrastination. Well, not any more because I've bought The Book That Everyone's Talking About: "Getting Things Done" by David Allen.

As you can see from the bookmark, I've actually started to read this one. This is an advance on "The Procrastinator's Guide To Success", which I've still not got round to reading!

Maybe David Allen will become my guru and prevent me behaving like this guy!

Watch this space....

Pillow Talk

This is surely the ideal gift for those who want to make their partner an offer they can't refuse?

Tongue Lashings

Just because the space for information on the Web is virtually infinite doesn't mean we should put any old dross on it! The Cult of Celebrity is something that I really don't buy into, but I certainly cannot understand what would possess someone to make a collection of photographs of "Celebrity Tongues".

But, you've guessed it, here it is! For some reason there appears to be far more female tongues than male ones: I wonder why that is? My friend Soapy Goldfish may be interested to see that Ms Angelina Jolie has 4 tongues in the collection. I'm afraid they're only thumbnail images Soapy....

Enjoy!

The Joy of Tests

I've sat quite a few examinations in my time, and so has Wosog. We both hated studying for them, and we were extremely glad to reach the stage in life where we didn't have to do any more of the bloody things. We thought we could relax, but no. We now have to see the children through their exams!

For most of her secondary school career Gdog worked like a wee dervish. She thought that she wanted to study medicine, and she knew that she needed the maximum number of 'A' passes to get into medical school. At the end of fifth year she decided she didn't want to do medicine, but her previous academic exertions meant that she gained multiple university offers to study psychology. As a result, sixth year at school was really quite a relaxed affair, knowing that her exam results that year "didn't really matter". Unfortunately, this somewhat laid-back attitude has been carried on into her university studies, and it has been complicated by irrational urges (a) to earn some cash, and, worst of all, (b) to have a social life! As her degree exams loom on the horizon, Sog and Wosog, inveterate worriers that they are, feel concerned that she is leaving too much to the last minute.

Gsog, on the other hand, has always been difficult to motivate. He'd like to have big money as an adult---he's just not that keen on actually earning it! If Gsog was on the TV Quiz Mastermind his specialist subjects would be (1) Inline Skating, and (2) Work Avoidance. Sog once admitted that he was a very inefficient studier, and often took multiple "breaks" between bouts of studying. Gsog takes lots of breaks too: he just forgets to come back to work at all! The extent to which Sog and Wosog need to lean on Gsog to try and force him to study makes them both feel that they should get some sort of certificates from the Scottish Qualifying Authority too when/ if Gsog gets his!

Is there a self-help group out there for the parents of teenagers? Maybe we should form one?

Not God's Gift

George W Bush may think he's God, but an international survey shows that females don't think he's God's Gift. The poll of 11,000 women in 15 countries by that august journal Esquire asked them to rate him out of 10 with regard to sex appeal. The Self-styled Leader of the Free World failed to register much more than two!

I thought power was supposed to be an aphrodisiac?

The Parking Spot of the Beast

the parking spot of the beast
Originally uploaded by bunchofpants.

This picture was uploaded by an American photographer with the Flickr name bunchofpants.

Maybe this is where the Traffic Warden parks his car?

The Evil Weed

One of Wosog's few faults is the fact that, despite detailed knowledge of the associated risks, she is a cigarette smoker. Over the years I have tried on numerous occasions to persuade her to stop with very limited success. In fact, the more I go on about it the more determined she seems to be to keep puffing until it kills her: as it may well do.

A while ago I decided to use the BBC Health website which has a system whereby you can enter various details, and it works out your life expectancy. "Great!" I thought, "I'll enter both our statistics and show Wosog how much sooner than I she will die because of her smoking!" Of course, when we entered our respective information the site predicted that she'd still live 10-15 years longer than me! Back to the drawing board....

The nice sign above shows Italian nicotine addicts where their next fix can be purchased. It was interesting to experience in Rome for the first time a country that already has a ban in place on smoking in confined public places. However, as Wosog pointed out, it's not so onerous in a country where the climate often provides the option of eating, drinking and smoking outside.

Because of the large number of people expected to be returning from the Papal Funeral we decided to leave early for the airport on Saturday. However, the streets were pretty quiet, and having arrived early we decided to check in. It was signs like the one above that made Wosog realise that Rome Airport was totally non-smoking, unlike Prague Airport which had one bar where the addicts could gather to "shoot up".

To say that Wosog became a tad irritable is to understate the situation. We still had to scour the airport for a smokers' haven: but there wasn't one!

However, all was not lost. In Prague we found a little smokers' oasis where Wosog smoked 2 cigarettes and I passively smoked about 10! As you can see from the packet, the Czechs don't really want people to stop smoking: they want them to "Start"!

I ask you, is this the way an intelligent woman should behave?

....and a Funeral

Papal Funeral: Colosseum
Originally uploaded by Son of Groucho.

It was odd being in Rome in the days approaching the Pope's Funeral. Watching the television in the hotel, it felt as if the eyes of the World were on the city where we were. For the days leading up to the event there had been numerous helicopers flying overhead, presumably on their way to the Vatican. We saw large numbers of Poles arriving, many of them teenagers, some carrying flags. The media circus, to coin a cliche, was seen assembling near St Peter's square and large screens were set up in various public places, including the Circus Maximus. The preparations had obviously been made for some time: long rows of chemical toilets appeared and Red Cross personnel were everywhere handing out bottles of water to anyone who wanted one.

On the morning of the funeral there was virtually no traffic (it's impossible to imagine Rome with no traffic at all), and all the shops and tourist attractions were shut. Usually you can decide whether to go to somebody's funeral or not, but in this case the ceremony was everywhere. Not being religious, we felt like reluctant observers of the event, although we were never made to feel unwelcome. We went for quite a long walk including the Circus Maximus, the Colosseum and the Piazza del Popollo. It was weird to see the Via del Corso virtually empty of cars on a Friday morning! As well as being able to see St Peter's Square on the large screens, the sounds of the ceremony were broadcast on high quality sound systems.

After the event, the city gradually came back to life. The real high fliers headed off in their helicopters. You couldn't help feeling that for many of them this had been just another photo opportunity, with a bigger audience than most. Lesser dignitaries were whisked through the growing traffic escorted by police cars with sirens blaring, and motorcyle cops, some of whom stood up on their bikes with both hands off the handlebars to direct the traffic! Ordinary mortals simply walked quietly away, content that they had shown their respect for a great man.

Four Good Days....

Fountain near the Piazza del Popolo
Originally uploaded by Son of Groucho.

As my regular reader may have gathered, I have always been a bit of a pessimist. Previous experience with Italy, as well as recent events might have made me reluctant to consider it again as a holiday destination. We arrived in Rome on Monday last to be told that, basically, the Vatican was off limits. If I hadn't previously seen St Peter's Cathedral, the Vatican Museum and the Sistine Chapel I think I would probably have had some rather uncharitable thoughts about the recently deceased Pope.

We decided, however, that there was enough to see in The Eternal City to use up our time there without visiting the Vatican. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice to say we did a lot of walking and I took a lot of photographs. Despite the unpromising 5 day weather forecast on the Internet, it was very sunny Monday to Thursday: enough to give me quite bad sunburn on my forehead, which is rather high these days. We re-experienced superb Italian ice cream, and even better Italian food: although this time we tried eating Kosher food in a restaurant in the Jewish Getto. They didn't seem to mind serving non-Jews---I certainly wasn't asked to demonstrate that I had been circumcised!

It's amazing how quickly you feel at home in Rome. It's noisy, crossing the road is a nightmare, it's not that clean, and there's graffiti everywhere, but there's something so welcoming about the place. And as my friend in the picture demonstrates, there are so many interesting things to see, even when the Vatican is closed for business.

A Fairly Atraumatic Journey

Sorry it's taken me so long to start posting again, but I only got back from Rome on Saturday, and I've spent most of my time since then uploading some of my holiday snaps to Flickr, sad git that I am.

We flew on Czech Airlines to Rome via Prague. We chose Czech Airlines because they were cheap, but I did have slight concerns about boarding the plane and finding propellors attached to the wings. I was very pleasantly surprised: the plane looked like any other Boeing 7whatever I had travelled in, the food was marginally better than average, and there was only a slight delay in our departure for Prague. I've never been to Eastern Europe, and I had visions of Prague Airport being like something out of a John le Carre novel! It is, in fact, a small but expanding international airport with better facilities than many I've visited.

Rome Airport was also a lot posher and better organised than I expected from our previous visit 5 years ago. Our suitcase actually arrived, and we didn't have to wait too long for it. We stepped onto a train that left immediately for Termini Station. After the customary attempt by the taxi driver to rip us off for the short journey to our hotel, we ventured onto the streets of Rome for the first time.

Driving, or being driven, in Rome is a frightening experience for the uninitiated. The streets are extremely noisy: often for no apparent reason. There are hundreds of scooters, and a growing number of tiny cars, not all of which are made by Smart. There don't seem to be any lanes, as such: cars going in roughly the same direction appear to flow (albeit somewhat turbulently) like fish in a shoal. Assertiveness is the order of the day, for only the strong survive (or at least accumulate the fewist dents)! Cars are parked on every available space: and some that aren't really available. If you leave too much of a gap between you and the guy in front, some smartass will stick a scooter or a Smart car in it!

We finally arrived at our hotel, which was supposed to be much fancier than those we usually use, and imagine my astonishment to find that it was. Blimey, I thought, if this carries on I'll have nothing to whinge about!

Bad Timing!

One of the burdens of being a living, sentient being is the fact that we all can ponder, but few of us can know when we are going to die: when the giant roulette wheel in the sky will stop, and our number will be up.

I saw a friend of mine who lives in Israel recently. He told me a joke about the last days of Yasser Arafat. Apparently, Arafat was on his death bed, and he asked his physician basically "How long have I got doc?". His doctor replied "Well Yasser, we don't know exactly, but we do know you'll die on a Jewish holiday." Arafat then said "But how can you know I'm going to die on a Jewish holiday". To which, of course, the physician replied "Well any day you die will be a Jewish holiday!".

Another powerful man, Pope John Paul II, has been very unwell for several weeks, but it would seem that even he had no way of knowing when his time would come. If only the Vatican authorities had thought to ask me, I could have told them it would be on or around the 4th of April. "How could you know this, Mighty Sog?", I hear you ask, "Is it because of your extensive undergraduate medical training, your 2 postgraduate diplomas, your Fellowship of the Royal College of Physicians, or the deep insight into the human condition that 16 years as a GP has given you?". No, it's because Sog and Wosog are flying to Rome for a city break on the 4th of April, and they really didn't want to arrive in the middle of one of the biggest funerals the world has ever seen!

But that's life---or, I suppose, death---for you!

Who Do They Think They Are?

In general I'm in favour of the EU, but I find its burgeoning bureaucracy and lack of accountability worrying. I wasn't too suprised, therefore, to find this piece on Yahoo! News.

As a proud Scot, I could feel my hackles rise as I scanned through the article, then my eyes flipped to the date at the top....

This wasn't the first time I was almost caught out on April 1st, Diamond Geezer pulled an even better, and unfortunately even more plausible, stunt.

Come to think of it, Bloggy, in my last post, looks a bit unlikely doesn't he?

Not Frigging Robots Again!

As both my readers will know, I have a minor obsession with robots. Well it was only a matter of time, but some technical whizz kid has come up with a blogging robot!

I'm not sure why he had to look a bit like a moss covered log with rather feeble eyes on stalks and an incongruous orange nose. Surely a robot with such an important function should have a much more serious appearance!

Anyway, I've had a look at his blog and, to be honest, I'm not impressed. But guess what? The sodding thing has got just as many hits this month as I've had!

No Place Like....

Guess what? Further to my woeful previous post about how unpleasant flat hunting is, we've actually found a little "castle" for Gdog to inhabit in The Big City. Unfortunately, she probably won't be able to move into the flat until July, so she'll just have to put up with us till then!

She has various ideas about how she would like to furnish the flat (with my money). I thought it might be worth showing unfamiliar readers the current state of her bedroom in the flat (left) compared with the usual state of her current bedroom at home (right). I'll let you draw your own conclusions!

However, Gdog assures us that she will be a changed woman when she is living on her own: cleaning the flat regularly, keeping partying to a minimum, eating healthily, getting plenty of sleep and studying like a wee Trojan. What was that shadowy creature that floated past my bedroom window going "oink oink?"

A Mine of Misinformation

Grateful thanks to If Then Else for pointing me in the direction of The Uncyclopedia.

We've all heard of The Wikipedia, that excellent collaborative source of free, pretty accurate information. Well The Uncylopedia is free too: it's just not quite so accurate! Take, for example, the article on Tony Blair. Now I'm no political expert, but I think one or two of the "facts" may be not quite right. Just to show I can take a joke, the article on Scotland is an absolute hoot!

If I didn't know better, I might think The Uncyclopedia was taking the "pedia" out of The Wikipedia....

No Big Deal!

Further to my post on the Vatican's reaction to "The Da Vinci Code", it seems that some of the Catholic hierarchy have heard of "The Oxygen of Publicity".

10 Things and Counting....

When I first posted about 43 Things in January my first Thing was "Stop Procrastinating" and I had 277 fellow procrastinators. I’ve made definite progress with my procrastination habit, partly due to the impetus of joining 43 Things, and it is a mark of the continued success of the site that I now have 1034 fellow sufferers to bond with!

There are currently 16091 members, but for some time people were signing up, simply listing the Things they wanted to do and leaving it at that: pretty pointless! Now more and more people are making entries about their Things, and in turn more members are commenting on the entries. This interaction is what the site should really be about.

I know the whole thing seems a bit geeky, but I genuinely feel that having my aims listed on the site encourages me to focus on them and get some helpful feedback from fellow failures around the world!

With a bit more development, 43 Things could be as successful as Flickr (which has recently been bought by Yahoo!). Maybe we all should buy some shares now….

See more progress on: Try out 43 Things

Jack The Lad

Went with Wosog last night to see Jack Dee in concert at The Royal Concert Hall in Glasgow. I've seen him several times on the telly, and I've always thought he is one of the best British stand-up comedians. The concert didn't disappoint. There was no warm-up act: Jack simply walked on stage and, apparently effortlessly, thoroughly entertained 2000 people for 2 hours.

True professional that he is, he was totally unaffected by the hecklers: in fact, he cleverly integrated their comments into his act. The number of topics he covered in the time was amazing. At the interval he asks members of the audience to send him text messages, and he responds to these at the end. I'm not sure if all the messages he read out were really sent during our concert, but they were very funny. As Jack sourly commented "These are not supposed to be funnier than the act!". Unfortunately, he decided to give the less glamorous area of Sighthill a bit of a drubbing, but I think anyone in the audience who didn't live in Sighthill would have thoroughly enjoyed the concert!

Thanks For Nothing....

The scenario where a doctor tells a patient that they have cancer is an oft-discussed classic situation. It's the subject of many jokes, but I can assure you there's rarely anything funny about being the doctor concerned.

General practitioners don't often have to give this sort of bad news. That's not to say that they don't frequently see patients with cancer: in fact, they are usually the first person to suspect it. Confirmation of the diagnosis tends to require investigations, and these tests are generally carried out by, or are only readily available to, specialists in secondary (hospital) care. Once the tests have proven the diagnosis, it generally again falls to the consultant to tell the patient the result with somewhat variable sensitivity and communication skills.

Recently a lady in her 50s, who rarely consults, attended my surgery complaining of breathlessness and a cough. She had otherwise been reasonably well. I examined her chest, and did a simple test of her respiratory function. This test showed a very low result, and I told her I suspected she had chronic bronchitis and emphysema, which are sometimes diagnosed late because the breathlessness comes on over a very prolonged period. I gave her an inhaler to try, and later some oral steroids. I decided to get a chest x-ray to see if this confirmed emphysema. In fact, it showed what is almost certainly a right sided lung cancer. This may have already spread to her bones.

When she came for her follow-up appointment I was a bit apprehensive. It's one thing giving this sort of news when you think the patient expects it, but it's another when you've led them to expect a more benign diagnosis. She came to the appointment on her own, and it didn't seem fair for her to get news like this without the presence of, for example, a family member for support. In fact, when I told her what was suspected she actually smiled and told me she was not at all surprised! She had been feeling unwell for a while, and she was relieved to know at last what was wrong.

I think her prognosis is likely to be poor, but at least we've now identified the enemy she must fight against. She seemed to feel that was something worth thanking me for.

Quite Cool!

I think this is, as they say, quite cool! What do you think? (Stolen from Bifurcated Rivets).

Here's One I Prepared Earlier....

I'm not sure what the BBC television program Blue Peter is like now, but one of my few childhood memories is of numerous presentations on how to make various priceless objects from "found" materials, the main ones being, as I remember, wire coat hangers, Fairy Liquid bottles, and, of course, the indispensable sticky backed plastic. Imagine then, if you will, my delight at coming across a web page that shows you how to make a wallet from duct tape!

I was relieved to find that the Blue Peter website does have a section on things to do. The show's pets look just as cute as ever, and the male presenters look almost as dorky as John Noakes, but the girls are absolute babes! When I think that we had to make do with Valerie Singleton!

I was interested to note that if you run your pointer over the home page pictures of the presenters and pets they all make a noise except for Shelley the tortoise. I think this is most unfair. I'm sure tortoises would make a noise if we all just had the patience to wait for them to do so! As for Simon, is he really saying "Christ!" (controversial) or "Cripes!" (less so): you decide.

Really Got Them Rattled

Like millions of others, I was recently fascinated to read Dan Brown's publishing phenomenon "The Da Vinci Code". Best sellers are ten a penny, but this book appears to have captured the imagination of the world, having been published in more than forty languages. With most books that would be success enough, but this novel has spawned the publication of several books that elaborate further on the evidence to which the Da Vinci Code refers. The Rough Guide to the Da Vinci Code is a good example.

Today on reuters.com (via Boing Boing) I came across an account of of an interview with Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone in which he basically says the book is a pack of lies and right-thinking folk (Roman Catholics in particular) shouldn't buy it. Apart from being a rather lame attempt at stable door bolting, the piece seems a little thin on detail. One would have thought that the mighty propaganda machine that is the Vatican, could have come up with a point-by-point rebuttal of Dan Brown's thesis. I suspect that account would not grace the best sellers lists, however.

I hadn't got round to reading The Rough Guide to the Da Vinci Code yet, but this sort of reaction from the Vatican makes me all the more intrigued to find out a little more about the subject. Perhaps the good cardinal hasn't heard of the phrase "the oxygen of publicity"!

My Kingdom for a Horse!

My Kingdom for a Horse!
Originally uploaded by Son of Groucho.

I don't have much interest in the Royals, and I feel that the argument that they pay for themselves by encouraging tourism etc is really wearing pretty thin. It certainly can't be said that this outrageously dysfunctional family can act as any kind of role models for the rest of us!

My brother in law Bilosog sent me this picture as an e-mail attachment recently. I instantly recognised our batty Heir To The Throne, but that horse looks really familar too!

All That Jazz

Wosog's Jazz 1
Originally uploaded by Son of Groucho.

After all our recent motoring trepidations, Wosog today took delivery of her new Honda Jazz. She drove it, with Sog in the car, to the Nearby Metropolis. Sog drove it back, trying to ignore Wosog's foot on the "imaginary brake" on several occasions. Wosog has never had much confidence in Sog's driving ability, even though he's not had a major accident in well over 20 years of driving.

Gdog has now been shown all the controls of the car but, despite the fact that the recent accident was clearly not Gdog's fault, it's fairly obvious that Wosog would rather she didn't drive it for perhaps a year or two! There seems little prospect of that happening.

Unbeatable

one with the earth
Originally uploaded by javajive.

How's this for a sunset? It's from 27 year old Brandon Hoover, who is fortunate enough to live in Java, and has the Flickr name javajive. Why not check out his other photos? He's clearly a very talented photographer, but living in such an exotic location must help a little bit!

Needs Some Remedial Work....

Rural Decay
Originally uploaded by Son of Groucho.

Sog and Wosog are currently on the lookout for a little flat for Gdog to inhabit while she is attending The University of Life in the Nearby Metropolis. Gdog has made it quite clear that she cannot bear the thought of living with us for the next few years. She wants her "independence" which appears to mean having her board, lodgings and utilities paid for her by someone else, but not giving her generous benefactor the opportunity to scrutinise or, God Forbid, criticise her comings and goings. Come to think of it, I wouldn't mind a slice of that sort of independence!

Anyway, this exercise has given the older Sogs renewed exposure, after many years of protection, to the joys of house hunting, and the intricacies of that mysterious language Estate Agent Speak.

For those unfamiliar with the Scottish system, most houses have an "offers over" price. Many years ago offering 5-10% over this price would have given you a good chance of securing the property. Now if you can't bid 25-30% over you may as well not bother (as we have found to our cost)! One good thing is that some of the leg work of house hunting can now be done over the Internet, but you still have to translate what the schedules say into what they really mean. For example, "needs some remedial work" or "ideal for the home improvement enthusiast" probably means that the kitchen and the bathroom both need totally gutted and replaced. "Studio" probably means that you can wash the dishes, watch the tv and answer the front door while sitting on the toilet. "Convenient for local transport links" tends to translate to built next to a railway line/ the M25 etc.

Anyway, assuming we do manage to buy a charming, deceptively spacious apartment that benefits from a door, several windows and two bedrooms (aka one bedroom and a cupboard), at least I'll have something new to worry about in the form of an even bigger mortage. I was starting to get a bit relaxed in my old age....

First The Good News....

A Friendly Face
Originally uploaded by Son of Groucho.

Went for a walk this afternoon and came across this really friendly horse. His face was in shadow, and the fill flash fired, which spooked him a bit. I've never really appreciated what people see in horses in the past, but this one had such a welcoming expression (ok, I know it's anthropomorphism)!

As for the bad news, Gdog decided to give Wosog the DVD of "Gone With The Wind" (GWTW) for Mother's Day. I think I've mentioned before that Wosog and I have quite different taste in films. She loves GWTW, I hate it!! It lasts Forever for a start, and then there's That Music (You know: "NaNa NaNa....NaNa NaNa etc., etc"). It may have won 10 Oscars, but it does nothing for me. I'll get Gdog back for this....

Before and After

Before and After
Originally uploaded by Son of Groucho.

Wosog's car has finally returned from the body shop looking good as new. We're hoping Gdog can get a bit more practice in it before Wosog trades it in for a Honda Jazz (such clever little cars)!

Rabbiting on....Or maybe not!

I wasn't sure what heading to give this post. My first thought was "50,000 Bucks or the Rabbit Gets It", but I settled for the above. The gist of savetoby.com is that some fiendish So-and-so is threatening to kill this loveable bunny on 30 June 2005 unless he is paid $50,000 via the website.

The site shows you multiple pictures of Toby going about his various activities (no, not that one!). Also given are a number of recipes in which Toby might be a less than willing participant. Finally, we are offered the opportunity to buy a limited list of Toby-related artefacts, including the mouse mat above.

I'm not convinced that I should wish this enterprise success. If it did work out who knows what other cuddly, harmless little creatures might be held to ransom? Could Charles Kennedy, MP sleep safely in his bed at night?

A Sideways Glance

Went with Wosog on Sunday to see the film "Sideways". We didn't originally plan to see this film, and I had no idea that it had five Oscar nominations. If I had realised that it was directed by Alexander Payne, who directed "About Schmidt" I might Have had higher expectations.

We both really enjoyed the movie. The Paul Giamatti character in many ways reminded me of me with his rather bookish, angst-ridden personality. Interestingly, his somewhat unlikely friend, played by Thomas Haden Church, made me think of Gsog. This was not because of his insatiable sexual appetite, although God knows we still may have that to look forward to, but more because of his rather simple view of the world, his total lack of of responsibility, and his complete inability to delay gratification of his desires.

The film had a nice structure and a satisfactory, if slightly open, ending. I may well buy the DVD when it comes out.

Strange Web Site

Can't remember where I came across this website. I'm not sure if it's the same each time you view it, or if there is some sort of random element built into it.

If you have the patience to watch it for long enough it mentions accordions, which are, as we know, the Devil's instrument!

Pointless Video Clips

I have never been a fan of video photography. I have always felt that it is a lazy approach to capturing visual information. Really good still photographs require a great deal of thought to be given to composition, lighting, depth of field etc. Admittedly, digital photography has made this sort of thing much less complicated, because you can "suck it and see" so much more easily. Unless I'm missing something, video photography consists of pointing your camera in the vague direction of the subject, and hoping that at least some of the random images look reasonable.

Photosharing websites such as Flickr admittedly don't just carry high quality pictures, but each image uploaded has a particular significance for the sender, and many of them give great pleasure to dozens of other people. I've just come across a website called Vimeo that obviously aims to be to video clips what Flickr is to photos. The site is not fully operational yet, but I've looked at a few of the clips and those I've viewed seem totally pointless to me! Who wants to watch a brief clip of someone walking their dog and the said dog deciding to eat some other dog's poo, for example?

They say a picture speaks a thousand words, but the best a video clip can do is to give a five second blurred version of a rather puerile joke.

In My Element

When Sog was a boy he wasn't interested in rugby and football, like the "normal" kids. Instead he was interested in chemistry and biology. Sog's Dad knew he he didn't need to give him a Jim's Dad Talk (as in "American Pie"), because Sog put up a chart of the human reproductive system on his bedroom wall. This demonstrated significantly more detailed knowledge of the subject than The Old Man would have been able to impart! Hours were spent dissecting frogs and examining pond life under the microscope.

On the chemistry front, Sog and his friends spent their time concocting explosive mixtures from their "chemistry set". They also produced various poisonous gases with which to inflict a rather unpleasant death on some of the local insects. While still at primary school, Sog prided himself on being able to name all the Chemical Elements and he also had a Periodic Table on his wall.

I now consider myself a fairly normal, if somewhat neurotic, individual, but I'm still not interested in football, rugby or indeed any other sort of sport. Being a geeky sort of kid didn't do me any major harm as I was fortunate enough to have friends who were interested in the same things. I wouldn't change my childhood, even if I could. But, from Wosog's experience of modern children, I don't think there are many kids out there that are like I was as a child.

Them Robots

There's more in the news about Robots this week. Apparently boffins in the USA and Holland have made great strides (pardon the pun) in the development of robots that walk like humans. Please note that "while the Cornell robot is powered by batteries in its arms, the Delft robot uses gas canisters in an attempt to mimic human muscles. It has an empty bucket for a head, to emphasise that it uses no intelligence." You might think that the American robot would have an empty head too as a gesture of solidarity with the country's President!

A third robot, from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), has been nicknamed the Toddler because of its walking style. It uses neural networks to learn how to walk better - adapting its movement according to the surface it is on.

This leads naturally onto an article in the Sunday Times about the use of robot soldiers. The US Army has revealed that it plans to deploy 18 armed robots in Iraq in April. They will be controlled remotely by human troops, and will probably be used to enter buildings to flush out insurgents and to inspect vehicles suspected of carrying bombs.

The article suggests that much more sophisticated robots are not far off, and points out that the Pentagon has earmarked £70 billion towards the development of robots and other high tech devices.

Robot fighting machines may "kill without pity or remorse". They won't ask for a salary or a pension, and the folks back home won't mind too much if they come back in body bags. There is no space here to summarise the rest of the piece, but it does conjure up some frightening possibilities.

Walking Would Have Been Safer!

Guess what? You may remember my post about Gdog finally passing her driving test? Wosog and I were wakened by her at 05.00 on Sunday morning to receive the glad tidings that she had been in a wee accident in Wosog's car (see above). Some dickhead taxi driver had decided to join a roundabout before poor little Gdog had quite left it. The damage sustained by our car was not too bad, but I understand his car was more badly damaged, and he was incensed that Gdog was going to deprive him of his livelyhood. How she could be held responsible for him going into the side of her car I couldn't quite understand.

Gdog was quite upset when she finally crawled the rest of the journey home at 30 mph. We were told this by the not very sensible friends who were in the car with her. They, of course, were "under the affluence of incohol" (as they say in these parts), so they were not very useful as witnesses to the accident.

Now we've just to contact the insurance company, but you can't reach them by phone on a Sunday. Instead you've to use their website, which seems incapable of accepting even basic demographic details without error messages. Isn't technology wonderful?

Thankfully, the experience doesn't seem to have scared Gdog off driving altogether, and I reluctantly admitted that I too had an accident when I was a very inexperienced driver. However, as Wosog delighted in reminding me, that accident was my fault. These bloody women never let you away with anything do they?

A Message From The Wizard Of Oz

There's something quintessentially Australian about this piece of graffiti from outside a sauna in Sydney.

An unlikely alliance....

The Difference...
Originally uploaded by Michigan Blog.

Spotted this picture by Michigan Blog on Flickr. It may be an inspirational message to all those ugly fat blokes out there. On the other hand, maybe the girl's got a face like Cherie Blair!

Valentine Bouquet

Valentine Bouquet
Originally uploaded by Son of Groucho.

Being a old romantic, I decided to send Wosog flowers on Valentine's Day. We actually exchanged cards on Sunday 13/2/05 , and Wosog gave me the book "Saturday" by Ian McEwan, which I'd read about and thought sounded good.

I said I couldn't remember us giving each other gifts on Valentine's Day (which is true), but fortunately I'd already ordered the roses the Saturday.

They were delivered to the school, and Wosog thought the girls in the office were winding her up when they told her she'd had flowers delivered. Hopefully that should keep me in the Good Books for a while!

Happy Birthday Flickr!!!

Happy Birthday Flickr!!!
Originally uploaded by caterina.

Despite being only 1 year old Flickr has already received it's 4 millionth photograph.

I hope it continues to go from strength to strength.

Walking Is So Much Safer!

I just thought the World should know that Gdog has passed her driving test: at the fourth attempt. Although, to Wosog's disgust, I passed my test first time, Gdog has been a better driver than I was at that stage for quite a while. There was obviously just something about the test itself that made her a little nervous.

Wosog now has the prospect of regular requests for the use of her car, but I don't think she minds too much. She and I are just so relieved that Gdog has passed at last, and she won't have to shell out any more cash for lessons and test fees.

Well done Gdog!

Is This A Wind-up?

On the endlessly fascinating topic of mobile phones, I was interested yesterday to discover that a German has invented a phone that allows you to talk to your dead relative for up to a year! Fortunately or unfortunately, the phone doesn't allow them to talk back (I think this is in order to preserve the battery).

This device would have many uses including totally removing the need for long-term spouses to talk to each other while alive. If the worst happened, and you still had one or two topics to cover you would then have a whole year to speak your mind without the fear of interruption (I'm joking, honest, Wosog)!

I wonder what you do if you phone up after a couple of weeks to get the message: "The vodafone you have dialled is switched off."?

Just A Cold....

Wosog was complaining the other day that she felt as if she had had a cold for 2 months. Gsog has had a prolonged cold as well, and recently asked the profound question "Where is it [the gunk emanating from his nose] all coming from?".

I, on Thursday last, was congratulating myself that the possession of a medical degree obviously carried with it a superior set of antibodies, since I had remained cold-free. On Friday the bastard struck! Having limped through a seemingly endless day at work on Friday, I have spent most of my precious weekend so far fighting off whichever virus is responsible.

It appears to me, from totally unscientific observation, that colds have got worse in recent years. Certainly, I seem to see more and more people who claim to have had very debilitating symptoms for very prolonged periods. I'm not sure (a) if this is a genuine phenomenon, or (b) if it is genuine what the explanation is. Rhinoviruses traditionally produce a mild illness with little constitutional upset: have they become nastier little beasts? Perhaps other viruses are becoming commoner causes of the (all too) common cold?

Fortunately I appear to be recovering, but just as the bloody weekend runs out! At least I know I'm not alone.

Double Take

Hope the Pope doesn't see this...
Originally uploaded by The Rocketeer.

This was uploaded to Flickr by The Rocketeer, although he admits he didn't take the picture.

Nice to meet some nuns with a sense of humour!

Coming Or Going?

Here's another joke from the Doctors' Calendar:

"A patient saw an old friend at his psychiatrist's office.

'Hey Harry,' he asked, 'are you coming or going?'

Harry replied, 'If I knew if I was coming or going, I wouldn't be here.'"

For These Are My Mountains....

Remember the man who was selling advertising space on his forehead? Well, not to be outdone, a lass from Greenock has taken the idea to its next logical step.

Any ideas about what product might be advertised on this prime site?